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The Day Has Arrived...

Journal Entry: Sun Jun 12, 2011, 11:45 AM


And you're finally gonna shoot that Model...

Yeah, you know the one I'm talking about... THE one! The one that you have fantasized about shooting since the first day you saw her picture on that one guys website you forgot the name of. HER name however, you could NEVER forget... 'cause to make certain that would never happen, you actually had it Tattoo'd on your ass awhile ago, where you "thought" no one would ever see it (whole 'nother story, for a whole 'nother time)...

She's due to arrive any minute now, and you've been so excited about this day, you haven't slept in two... and let's not even talk about that excited little "pee-pee" dance/jig thing you started spontaneously doing at some point about 12 hrs. ago, when the only things awake on Earth were you and that creepy creature in the bushes that wouldn't stop staring at you... quite possibly because you looked something like this → :excited:  Now you just keep hoping it won't happen while she's here... damnit. (:excited:)

So while you are once more going over your set up for the shoot, checking and double checking the lighting :excited:, making sure there's toilet paper in the bathroom :excited:, practicing your "Ultra Cool Photographer" persona in the mirror :excited:, and sending off that mass email to everyone you have ever known and a few people you don't 'cause you just made up some email addresses to throw in for good measure :excited:, all you can think about is the fact that finally after all of this time, YOU are going to be shooting Pure Perfection... and just how cool is it, that happens to be her name??!! I'm telling ya, this is going to be.... (:excited:)

Right at that moment, and while you were in the middle of yet another jig no less, a car pulls up and some chick you've never seen before gets out and says "Hiiii!!" and then starts getting what appears to be 20,000 lbs. of shit out of her car... WTF?? Who the hell is SHE, and what in the hell is she DOING here??!! You *know* you've never seen her before, 'cause if you had you'd never have forgotten it... hair all up in a messy knotted ponytail thingy, no make-up on whatsoever and in fact what appear to be spots of some sort of greenish paste stuff on her face, and wearing a baggy pair of sweats with an oversized t-shirt and what appears to be mismatched flip-flops.

Then, just as you are thinking how much she looks like that cleaning lady your grandma had once, she stops in front of you and with a blinding smile and says "I hope I'm not late, I couldn't find my other flip-flop".

Well poke me in the eye with a sharp stick, it's HER!!! Dear mother of god, she's HERE!!! And now you're doing that goddamned jig again, only this time it's right in front of her :excited: ACH!!! :faint:

Thankfully, she's an experienced Model and there's nothing she actually hasn't seen when it comes to us crazy-ass Photographers, so she just sort of leaves you to work out those kinks in your legs, and she flops down on the floor and starts to fix her face... and thank god too, 'cause that green shit didn't do much for her complexion at ALL. Turns out in the end though, that green shit was on there to help tighten up a few of her more noticeable pores and put the fear of dog into a couple of spots that had looked like they were thinking about going rogue... and at least 10,000 lbs. of that stuff she hauled out of her car turns out to be make-up, too.

No need to panic whatsoever, 'cause this chick obviously knows her stuff...

Soon the moment arrives... the moment you have dreamed about for so long and practiced forever and a day for, and fucking hell if she isn't the most beautiful creature that has ever lived in this Earth, after all... finally. *ahem* :D She's sitting there all glowing and gorgeous, and as you look through that Camera which you know you are going to build a shrine to just as soon as you're done shooting her, you see the most gawd awful and terrifying thing you have ever before seen in your Life. 'Cause what she doesn't know is, the way that she is currently positioned has made it so her boobs appear to be all cattywompus and weird looking, AND on top of that now that part of her face is lit rather more directly, you see what appears to be a single long hair growing right out of her damned cheek!!

O... M... G. What in the fucking hell are you supposed to do NOW??? The hair thing can be Photoshopped, so that's not a big deal, but that boob thing?? That's a WHOLE different story. Do you just shoot those 20,000,000 Images that you had planned on, knowing they are going to be flawed, or do you tell her that you suddenly just remembered that you forgot something, and you're so sorry but you have to reschedule?? WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO???!!

I'll tell you what you are going to do... you're going to fucking HANDLE it, THAT'S what you're going to do!! And now, I will tell you why... ;p

First and foremost, this is a chick who is not only fully aware of how she looks, but is also aware of the fact that no matter how fucking perfect a person is appearing in some Images, no one actually IS perfect. No one... not even her. Period.

Secondly, she is there working as well... it's not just YOU who has been running around like a chicken with it's head chopped off, but she obviously has her own things going on as well, which was illustrated perfectly by how she looked when she pulled up, and the fact that her fucking flip-flops don't even match. Add to THAT, while you're all being busy working behind the camera, she's going to be working in FRONT of it. And let me tell you from experience, that is NOT easy!! So not only do you have to think about the fact that it's going to be YOUR *name* on those Images, and if you want that name to ever elicit more than a laugh when mentioned, you'd better make damned sure these turn out fantastic, but she is *also* anticipating that they will make HER look good, thereby getting her more work, etc... *this... is not... a game*. And even if you don't really need the fame and glory that could be coming your way, chances are pretty strong that girl sitting right there really does need the benefit of beautiful Images from you.

So while you might think you'd be doing everyone a favor by keeping your mouth shut and just taking a hit to the balls so no one get's embarrassed, that is actually the worst thing you could ever do...

Instead, you stand up and say "Hey sweetie? Can I get you to just bring your shoulders around a bit so that they are both facing me at a more direct angle, and then also arch your back a bit and maybe bring your right arm forward just a little?"... and *holy*fucking*hell*... she does it. No questions, no issues... smooth as silk, it's done. And just like that, those gorgeous boobs of hers finally look like a matched set again...

Now what to do about that goddamned hair. It's obvious SHE doesn't know about it... and it *would* kind of be easy to not say anything and just erase it real quick in Photoshop. But you know what? That's not cool, either. Because although it might be funny to see a friend at dinner with toilet paper stuck to their shoe and not say anything so you can get an extra giggle or two out of it, this girl deserves better than that. How would you feel if after she left, you happened to look in the mirror only to see a booger the size of Texas hanging out of your nose, hmmm?? Well, ok then... so here's what you do.

You walk over to her and start adjusting her hair just a bit, making that one adorable curl that you "now" realize is there because of  how she wears her hair in that mop looking style on top of her head when she's not working, and then oh so casually say, "Oh, here... one of your hairs is stuck to your cheek.", and you pull that fucker out. She screams "OUCH!!" and you say "OMG!! I had no idea that was attached!! I'm so sorry!! Can I get you anything? Tequila? A bowl of "the good stuff" I've been saving for a special occasion?? Anything??!!"

She wrinkles that cute little brow of hers and says "It was ATTACHED???", and then you see dawning in her eyes such a flood of thankfulness for the one true hero which has just saved her from certain death by embarrassment, you just want to grab her and kiss her... but you don't. Nope... noooo. NO. :no: :D

Clearly, there are many variables to this story which are going to be a factor as to the actual details of how you'd handle it... maybe you've known her forever, and so you can just state the truth flat out and share a good laugh over it, or maybe she's terribly shy, or YOU are terribly shy... whatever. Thing is though, the bottom line is that you won't be doing ANYONE any favors by not saying anything at all... not you, not her. This is a business, and although it's one of the crazier businesses to be found, it doesn't change the fact that if you want to succeed or you want to help HER to succeed, you've got to suck it up and do it right.

This is the first of a series of three Journals that I will be sharing with all of you, btw... the next two of which are going to be sharing some hard earned wisdoms from both in front of the camera, and behind it. Wisdoms not only of my own, but also those I have gathered over the years from so many other Professional Models and Photographers, and which I hope will give you all a chuckle while also hopefully helping you to avoid some common pitfalls as well as being aware of some things to expect, that you may have never thought about before.

In the meantime however, you *might* just want to go look in a mirror... 'cause Dude, that just ain't right... :D

<b>
  • Listening to: &quot;Secret World&quot;
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  • Watching: All of YOU!!
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A Study In Light And Shadow...

Journal Entry: Wed Jun 8, 2011, 4:17 PM


We are all aware to one extent or another of the actual significance of both light and shadow in our daily lives, the perfect example of which can be be found in those Photos which most of us have taken at some point or another, in which the Image frustratingly fails to have captured the details we had hoped for, because the light was either too bright or there wasn't enough of it, to ensure a proper recording of what we were shooting... a situation that is usually made even MORE frustrating by the fact that our eyes had adjusted to the lighting in those circumstances, and so our brains thereby failed to realize just how fucked up the balance of light and shadow was actually being! Aaaarrrrgggghhhhh!!! Am I right?! :nod:

And that is being the point of this Journal...  to discuss the significant impact of these two things in our Lives, as well as the correspondingly ironic failure on our part to usually give it much thought at all.

We all know that if you take away light, you then see nothing. If you are standing in a room with no windows and you shut off the light, you are left suddenly in a void of seeming emptiness, even though you know that everything is still there just as it was when you could see it... unless of course you are tripping on an illicit substance at the time, and so then feel as though you really ARE in a void of emptiness... that's a different Journal for a different time, however... *ahem* :D

We don't usually think of this thing very frequently though, because our eyes are able to adjust to all sorts of differing levels of light (or lack thereof), and so are usually able to relay fairly accurate information to our brains about our surroundings, without our giving much thought to it at all. Our brains in turn are very much like living computers, and so in a similar way will use every means possible to compile and condense information in such a manner as to acquire the pertinent details, while at the same time trimming off any unnecessary or irrelevant data in order to save both energy and time.

Whenever a person attempts to relay accurately the things around them to others however, it is all at once brought very much to the forefront just how important an awareness of both light and shadow really is, as my illustration at the beginning of this Journal so aptly serves to demonstrate.

*I* first learned to recognize it's importance when as a Child I was learning to Paint in Oils... it's all fun and games to make an outline of a house, or a flower, or a person, but the moment you then attempt to add the DETAILS of the subject, frustration can soon overtake you, and next thing you know paintbrushes are flying and sailors are blushing from words being shouted that even THEY wouldn't dare to express... oh, wait... never mind, that was just being me. :giggle: But any one of you who have  ever tried your hand at ANY sort of Artistic endeavor can relate to what I am speaking of here, I am sure. So although there are all sorts of variables which then come into play depending on what sort of  Artistic work you are exploring, the very basic and most impactive thing you learn to recognize no matter WHAT the medium, is the absolute vital importance of light and shadow.  

One would think that having this knowledge in my brain beforehand would have then assured that learning the art of Photography was being a snap for me, and that I would have picked it up in no time at all, and with very little effort on top of it... but as my ever so dear and incredibly patient of Perry Bear :iconperrygallagher: can attest to, that was not even close to the case... at ALL. Looking back now, I am truly amazed by the fact that he did not either have a brain aneurysm or kill me dead, or both. Because it was not until several months after he began Mentoring me, that I finally had that “Doh!!” moment of Epiphany, and was all at once able to relate my previous knowledge in this area from my Painting to my current endeavors in Photography... and I know for a fact if that is being the case with me, it is also probably being the case with many others.

This is why I am going to be sharing with all of you two Images of myself that are in Black & White as opposed to colour, and I am encouraging all of you to take a moment and view each one with the predominate purpose on your minds of actually registering those details which your brains might otherwise have not noted or acknowledged. The reason that Black & White Images are so much easier to do this with btw, is because when you add colour to an Image, it then provides that much more information for our brains to be registering, and so it is then that much easier to fail in being aware of those subtleties which we can otherwise pick up on much more freely.   

With each one that I post, I will point out a few things which my own brain registers when focusing more on this aspect of light and shadow, and I would sincerely love it if all of you could also share with myself and the rest of those viewing them, just what it is that your brain is seeing, as well. Let's have a little fun giving to this Topic more thought than usual, and maybe we can then even have a little fun in looking around ourselves during our day, and thinking about the actual effect of light and shadow in our own daily lives...

For instance: Is the fact that your boss gets uglier as the day goes along ONLY because your patience becomes more greatly tested with each passing hour, or could it ALSO be that the office lighting changes as the sun alters the direction of it's light, causing certain shadows to become more noticeable and thereby making your boss to appear more like a monster as the day goes by?

Is it only the regrettable amount of alcohol you had last night which blinded you to the fact that the person laying in your bed this morning was quite possibly THE most unattractive person you have ever seen in your life? Or could the fact that the low lighting in the bar did much to enhance the good and disguise the unfortunate, while in the morning light the reverse becomes true and the reality of how they ACTUALLY appear has now suddenly been revealed, also be considered? :o

Only you may ever know the truth, but it is by putting more thought into the subject that you will be able to suddenly see that which has always been there, and yet which you may never before have appreciated as you might from now on. At the very least, you could possibly excuse those moments of drunken blindness as simply being a trick that “light and shadow” played on you, and for which you are obviously not accountable in any way whatsoever (most likely no one will argue with you about it, because chances are the same trick has been played on them a time or two, as well. :D ).

But there is also the chance that next time you are out and about with your Camera, you might suddenly realize that by changing your own position or the position of the person or object you might be shooting, even if just a little, certain things are being enhanced by the light or the shadow which you hadn't necessarily seen before, and which can now serve to making the Image so much more beautiful than you had ever imagined it could be...  

I know that is how it was being for me anyways, and so hopefully it might be for some of you, as well. Either way, let's have some fun shall we? I'll go and post the first Image right now... :nod: :blowkiss:

Light & Shadow - Image One --> fav.me/d3iecxh

<b>
  • Listening to: &quot;Secret World&quot;
  • Reading: All of your comments! ;)
  • Watching: All of YOU!!
  • Playing: Far too much, I am sure!
  • Eating: Whenever I remember to!
  • Drinking: Too much coffee...

Never Forget...

Journal Entry: Mon May 30, 2011, 10:16 AM


… "we always stand back up."

These words were spoken to me not so long ago by my beautiful Daughter Tia, with the deep conviction and calm certainty that can only be found in someone who truly believes... someone who truly KNOWS. And it was with those simple words that I was reminded of another Child who long ago had also believed.

You see, those were the very words which had first welled up from deep inside of ME at the age of seventeen, and gave to me the so desperately needed strength and courage, the WILL, to survive what would prove to be 17 very long years filled with abuse, fear, heartache, and pain. On that day so long ago, as I found myself suddenly knocked to the ground and overwhelmed with unfamiliar feelings of fear and confusion, there came flowing through me a  very warm and crystal clear voice which seemed to emanate from my actual core, and said to me the words "Always stand back up", thereby showing to me the way to survive. Not "just" to survive though, but to survive undefeated and with my Spirit unbroken.

From that moment, no matter how battered or bruised my body, and no matter how lonely and afraid I might have been, I carried within myself the unshakable knowledge that HE. COULD. NOT. BREAK. ME. Week after week, month after month, year after year, he tried... but no matter what, I would always stand back up. He could not understand how or why I did it... but I knew that my Spirit and will to live were more powerful than anything he could possibly do to me, and so I continued on standing back up, until the day I was finally able to take him down. My Children bore witness to all of this, and they came to understand just as certainly as I did, that to live by those words would guarantee victory... even should the body actually be destroyed, or life possibly taken away, our Spirits would never be defeated. I had given to them this gift of my Spirit, and they each now carry it as well.

And so it was that several years after escaping that hell, I one day found myself  here on dA, and began following a Path which I not only came to believe might assist me to an extent in mending my so damaged of self, but which also helped me discover those people and things that I had been kept from knowing and experiencing for so many years. It was here on dA that I discovered so much variety of beauty and diversity of fellow Humans, that for someone such as myself who had gone for so long without knowing these things, it seemed  as the most wonderful place on this Earth. I was shown so much kind acceptance and even affection from people I had never even met in person and yet who shared themselves so freely on here, that I felt as though I was finally "Home"... as though I had "Family".

No one laughed at my obvious naiveté, but instead everyone responded to my curiosity and wonder with an amazing amount of patience and understanding, and I quickly realized that I was learning so MUCH from these people who willingly wished to share with me! Soon I was asking questions about *everything*, and I also began to feel as though maybe I could share some of my OWN thoughts on things, without fear of being mocked or laughed at for being "stupid"... and as I began to share more and more of myself with my newfound friends, people started to mention things such as that they thought I was beautiful, or intelligent, and/or funny... but I did not know what to do yet, with those words being spoken to me. Too many years of terrible things being said and too many times of having them be violently emphasized, had left me unable to see what these new friends of mine were saying that they saw in me. It was then that I came to realized just how severe the damage was that had been done, and so I made the firm determination to try and learn to somehow trust these other people... after all, not one of them had ever harmed me or been unkind in any way. I also hoped that one day I might be able to see myself as I really was, and not as the corrupted and ugly image of myself that Evil had eventually managed to condition my brain to see.

Every day a challenge, and every day some small victory... I was standing upright and unwavering, and so I hoped that one day I might once again know at least a measure of self confidence and also trust in others again, and that my victory would then be as near to complete as I could ever hope for..

Then one day in the latter half of 2006, I met someone on here who would forever change my life. A person who's heart was full of gentle kindness, and who's ability to love seemed almost limitless... and so it was that despite my continuing struggles with feelings of fear and trepidation, I gradually came to acknowledge that I had unexpectedly discovered  "love". I did not come to accept this thing overnight though, let me tell you... the exact opposite, in fact. Knowing of my past and the resulting issues that I faced however, this person soon began to give to me very sincere and heartfelt assurances that with HIM my heart and even more importantly my trust, would truly be safe... that there was being no need any longer for feeling fear or worry, and I had his promise that with him I would finally be safe. I can tell all of you this day, I wanted more than anything to be able believe him... to be able to trust this man with my heart and soul, and to finally know the beauty and wonder of sharing a life of love and happiness with someone I could safely trust. Never had I even imagined such a thing would ever come to me in this Life... it all seemed too good to be true. He was quite determined, though... so week after week, and month after month, he continued to persistently assure me, saying "You can trust me... you are THE love of my Life, and your heart is safe with me."... until one day I realized that finally and at long last, I truly did believe. Then filled with a trust that I had never thought I would ever again be able to feel, and my heart overflowing with this powerful love, I handed to him my very soul...

I soon came to know such wonderful happiness, freedom, and love as I had never before known. Where each of us individually were already a "force to be reckoned with", together we were truly unstoppable. Best of friends, devoted lovers, and incredibly naughty conspirators, we explored all variety of things with one another, and soon realized that we were *both* not only Polyamorous, but also Pansexual, AND rather Hedonistic. And ooooh my, did we ever share it all with the World... what we had found with one another was truly amazing and everyone who knew us - whether  from here on dA or in our personal lives - loved every moment of our very unique and openly loving relationship just as much as we did! While I introduced him to the freedoms that are found in having a fearless Spirit, which lead to us exploring and discovering together every possible thing imaginable no matter how strange or "naughty" it might have seemed, he in turn introduced me to experiences such as Hang-Gliding, Scuba Diving, and Burning Man. He was also the first person in my Adult life to give to me gifts – things such as beautiful necklaces that he would make for me, or surprising me with a trip to see in person the  so stunning of poppy fields, complete with baby grasshoppers, in Antelope Valley – and although this was being a thing which made me to cry every goddamned time, he kept on doing it anyways. I hated crying more than anything, but he knew that my doing so in front of him was a certain sign of my trust. I never failed to call him a fucker once the tears started flowing, though... and so that became one of our little "things". He would give to me a gift, I would cry and call him a fucker, he would hold me in his arms 'til I wiped my nose on his shirt, and then have the happiest of smiles on his face for the rest of the day. LOL! For those of you who are new to my Gallery, or are unaware of this time period in my Life, all you need to do is go through my older Journals and Images, and you will understand what I am speaking of quite quickly.    

But... I did not realize that very soon everything would be changing. And in fact, it was only two weeks after celebrating our Second Anniversary together that he met another woman, and then not long after that he decided it was actually with her that he now wished to spend  his life... with her and ONLY her. And so it was that quite suddenly and with no warning of any kind, I stood on what proved to be the last day we were together, and watched this man to whom I had so recently given everything that I am, turn and walk away from me without even saying the words "Goodbye."... and just like that, I was once again all alone, and now with nowhere to go and no immediate way to get back to my home which was many hundreds miles away. I was rescued on that day by my so precious and dear of Perry Bear... and for that even more than everything else, I will be forever in his debt.

As I stood there frozen in that moment of time, I began to feel my very life draining out of me... and then I saw on the ground at my feet that once familiar sight of my heart, laying there discarded, battered, bruised, and bleeding, but this time laying next to my heart was something else that I did not recognize... I had never before seen this oddly transparent and delicate looking thing. I continued to puzzle over it as my life continued to slowly bleed away, and it was only after a little while that I finally understood what I was seeing. That thing which could not be defeated by Evil, hatred, violence, or pain - my so precious of Spirit - had finally been broken... ripped from deep inside of me with no warning and now laying there just as gravely wounded as was my heart. So many years of being strong and brave, never flinching or backing down, with eyes always on the enemy and never being caught unaware... and yet, so sadly unequipped for being strong when confronted with this unexpected betrayal by the very one to whom I had finally given all of my love and trust. My Spirit was now defeated... because it had absolutely no defense against love.

Just as often occurs after a tragic accident, I continued on for awhile in a state of partial numbness... very aware that I had suffered a damage too great to ignore, and yet utterly helpless to do anything whatsoever about it. I felt no hatred, nor even any anger... in fact, all I felt was the exact same sense of fear and confusion that I had first felt those many years ago, only this time there was being no voice within me to give me strength to stand back up. I did have many friends now, who tried to encourage me and to offer me words of strength and support... but I was too weakened to even grasp the hands which were held out to me, or to understand any of their words which seemed to fall all around me sounding only like gentle rain. All I could do was whisper that I was sorry, and close my eyes to try and escape the pain.

History has provided ample evidence as to the fact that we Humans are far more resilient and strong than ever we can usually even imagine however, and so it was that after very much time had passed, I gradually came to wonder if despite my Spirit having obviously been broken, was it just slightly possible that it had not been damaged irreparably? As if in direct answer to my unspoken question, it was only minutes later that my Daughter then stood before me and said those words to me from which I had long ago discovered the source of my strength and will to live, and it was in that moment I saw shining brightly in my Daughters eyes a perfect reflection of the beauty and strength which I recognized as being from that Spirit which I had passed on to her... I then understood that my Spirit had needed to take refuge for a time, in order to heal and once more find it's strength. All at once, I now knew without one doubt that it had not been lost to me forever.

With this assurance then came the realization that I now needed to somehow reach out to those hands which were even then still being held out to me, and to rely on the support that they offered while I waited for my Spirit to find it's strength once more. It was in that same moment however, that I also realized this meant I would now have to trust again, at least a little bit, in order to accomplish this thing. I was then instantly overwhelmed with great fear, but I also knew within my heart that this was something I HAD to do... not only for my so damaged of self but also for my so beautiful of Children. So I determined to once again turn and face my fears, and try to demonstrate at least some semblance of the courage which had brought me this far in Life.

I will tell to you now though, the process of a Spirit mending is nothing at all similar to the mending of a damaged heart or a broken and battered body. It is far more time consuming, and the pain that comes with it at times can be truly unbearable in it's inescapable intensity. This damage is most severe, and reaches down far more deeply than any other that can be experienced. I came to understand that this betrayal by "love" had brought with it an entirely new and even deeper fear, for if my trust in that love had been so tragically misplaced, did that then not also mean that my trust in all of the "other" things I had been told and begun to believe in was equally misplaced? I had  been told that I really *was* a beautiful and intelligent person, as well as a wonderfully gifted Photographer and talented Artist... but if I could not trust that person who had told to me that they loved me as no other and had promised my heart was safe, then who COULD I trust... and HOW?

It is being the answers to those questions which it is now very important for me personally to tell to all of you, because it is a knowledge which each and every one of us can benefit from, no matter what our current circumstances or experiences in Life may be. Quite simply, once I was finally able to reach out my hand, I then also looked up for the first time in many months and I saw quite clearly those few precious faces of the people who were right there, and who had never once left my side. Those people who had prayed for me every day even though to a god I do not believe exists... those people who heard  my cries of anguish in the dark of  night, and had then joined together in song for me, the gentle words of which filled the very skies and helped sooth my wounded mind... those people who had given to me dignity by shielding my devastated state from the prying eyes and curiosity of people passing by. Those people who had demonstrated that they believed in me, by allowing me to pick my OWN self back up... always there to offer support, but never once attempting to fix that which they could not even hope to know. It was through THESE people that I finally came to understand the deeper wisdoms to be found in that seemingly simple of truism: "Actions speak louder than words."      

I then realized that while words can indeed have great power when used skillfully by someone gifted in speech, it  is only when actions come WITH the words and continue to do so over time, that a person then demonstrates their veracity and the trustworthy nature of their friendship. So it was in this way that I was finally able to once again extend at least a measure of trust to a very select few, and it was being the knowledge that there WERE actually still those whom I could trust, which proved to be one of the most crucial of factors in my finally beginning to heal.

Interestingly enough, whether or not you have any great issue with trusting others, it is STILL very enlightening to take a moment and honestly reflect upon who it is in your life that without fail has always been there, no matter what. Some of the people you might come to realize are of the most trustworthy and genuine among those you know, may not necessarily be someone you had previously viewed in this light. But if you keep your mind and your heart open, it is just possible that you may suddenly discover that so precious and rare gift of true friendship and unconditional love, which has actually been there all along. This is the way it was being for me, and how it is that I have finally come to once again be able to trust in love and in my friends who have proven to be honest and true.

Another thing that I have discovered within my gradually healing of self, is that I have an even greater capacity for love and forgiveness than I ever knew. In fact, far from feeling any hatred or animosity towards this person who has so dramatically altered my Life, I feel instead a deep compassion and a quiet understanding. He is already aware of the fact that this is how I feel, but I wish also for all of you to understand that I know with all certainty that it was never his *intention* to so grievously injure either me OR my Children, and I know as well that his heart is still loving and kind... and actually it is because of this very thing, and knowing he now understands the full magnitude of the devastation  his decisions brought to me and to my beautiful Daughters, that I am filled not only with compassion but also a very strong desire for his own heart to now know only happiness and peace. I am now able to look beyond my own hurt and pain, and see standing there a good man to whom I will always be thankful for showing to me at least for a little while, just how glorious and magical is the ability to experience love and to feel even if only briefly, that wondrous freedom which can only be known when absolute trust is given to another Human Being.

And so... here I am writing this day, knowing that this is being the first time in almost two years that you are actually having an opportunity to "hear my voice" again. I needed for ALL of you, but in particular those whom I have known for so long, to know what things have transpired in my Life which caused my sudden and prolonged absence from dA. It was being here that I began to start living more fully, and it was here that for the first time in my Adult life I felt as though I was home. Most significantly though, it was here that I met my first love and where I then joyfully shared every moment of the experience with all of you, my dA Family. When I first returned home after that tragic day, I initially attempted to carry on and interact here as I always had, going through the motions and trying to ignore the pain. But there were just too many people who continued on with believing that we were still that amazing couple we had been just a few months before, and I quickly became overwhelmed by this constant reminder of what I had just lost. Over the past two years I have received so many notes and comments expressing concern and/or giving to me assurances of support and friendship, that although I have not been able to read or respond to all of them, I knew that once I was standing again, I needed to not only explain what had happened in my life, but to also write and thank all of you from the bottom of my heart for being the amazing and wonderful people that you really are.

I determined in the beginning that I would live my Life out loud, the main reason being that I realized soon after escaping my own version of hell, that I am not actually so very "unique" in my experiences, at all. And I soon discovered that by giving voice not only to the good things in Life, but also at times acknowledging those things which are painful, I am afforded the wonderful ability to extend my hand out across even the vast expanse of this Earth, and touch others who may also be struggling to find their way in Life. I have learned that despite the seemingly minor significance of this small gesture, it is in actuality one that can have a very powerful impact... because it opens a channel of communication which then flows between all of us together, and creates a living connection through which our collective strengths and power can then be shared with one another.

So although I am not yet as strong as I will be, I know that by sharing my story and  reaching out in this way to all of you beautiful souls, we can ALL then be strengthened by the reminder that we are NONE of us ever really alone. In truth, we will ALL suffer some form of hurt in Life. We will ALL suffer some sort of pain and loss. We will ALL fall down or be knocked off of our feet at some point, and we will ALL have times when we feel that we truly can not make it another day. But we are also ALL made of stronger stuff than that my friends, and I am here as living proof...

My name is Shye, and I am now returned. I am once again filled with a very powerful will to live and a firm determination to continue walking along this Path of my Journey, at the end of which I am once more certain I will finally find Victory. It is for this reason that I have always and will always stand back up... no matter what.

<b>
  • Listening to: &quot;Secret World&quot;
  • Reading: All of your comments! ;)
  • Watching: All of YOU!!
  • Playing: Far too much, I am sure!
  • Eating: Whenever I remember to!
  • Drinking: Too much coffee...

There Are Thieves Among Us... (*Update)

Journal Entry: Tue Feb 8, 2011, 10:36 AM


*Update: Administration has handled it. Perhaps now your comments here can include a HUGE "Thank You" to the dA Administrators who work so hard to keep dA safe for all of us to share our Art. Let them know how much we appreciate them, shall we?

THANK YOU, dA Administrators!!!

:heart: :blowkiss: :heart:


____________________

Soooo... after quite some time away from dA, I return to discover that one of my first Artistic Nude Self Portraits not only has been stolen by another, but is also "up for sale" here on dA. --> www.deviantart.com/print/16855…? <--

From all appearances, this person is an Adult, completely and totally aware of the rules here on dA. Not only has this person had the audacity to steal one of my Images, OF myself, taken BY myself, but in the comments under the Image when another deviant mentions they have seen the Image elsewhere here on dA, he has the nerve to respond with telling to them that it's from another Profile that he used to have on here...

HE even went so far as to add his own Watermark. The original in my Gallery can be seen here, and obviously does NOT have a Watermark... --> fav.me/djooel <--

I have no intention of starting a war, and actually, I have already reported this situation to the dA Administrator's, and I am positive that they will handle it appropriately.

The purpose in my writing to all of you this day, is to let you know that some of YOUR Images, or those of others you know, may also have been  stolen by this person.

Many times, particularly if the issue is with a misguided Child attempting to be "cool", I will report them but not make a "big deal" of it.

This person however, is attempting to make MONEY from his theft, and at THAT point, there IS no leeway that should be afforded to him. It is bad enough to be so disrespectful as to steal another persons Art, but to then profit from it is BEYOND inexcusable.

So, please DO visit his dA Store, as well as his Gallery, and please report any other Images that you may have proof of being stolen from another Artist here on dA. The World is full enough of terrible people... this Community deserves better than to be raped by someone claiming to be a part of it.

I love you all SO much... and I WILL be back soon, I promise.

:heart: :heart: :blowkiss: :heart: :heart:

<b>
  • Listening to: &quot;Secret World&quot;
  • Reading: All of your comments! ;)
  • Watching: All of YOU!!
  • Playing: Far too much, I am sure!
  • Eating: Whenever I remember to!
  • Drinking: Too much coffee...

It's Been Awhile...

Journal Entry: Sat Aug 7, 2010, 9:38 AM


... since I have visited dA. I appear to have approx. 20,000,000 Notes, which I will try to read over the next few days. Sorry if you have written to me, and recieved no response as of yet... it's been one of those years. ;P

LOVE YOU GUYS!! :heart: :blowkiss: :heart:

<b>
  • Listening to: &quot;Secret World&quot;
  • Reading: All of your comments! ;)
  • Watching: All of YOU!!
  • Playing: Far too much, I am sure!
  • Eating: Whenever I remember to!
  • Drinking: Too much coffee...

A Very Worthy Cause...

Journal Entry: Fri Mar 26, 2010, 8:25 PM


I am writing this to all of you and asking for any of you that are able, to support a cause that is very special to me. Any of you that are on Facebook, please take the time to follow this link --> www.facebook.com/pages/Libbys-… <--

Here is being a link to a Note on the Profile that explains exactly what the cause is regarding --> www.facebook.com/note.php?note… <--

Here is also a link to the Petition that you can sign --> womensrights.change.org/petiti… <--

This person is a very amazing soul, and a very precious friend. Please help join me in showing to her just how many wonderful and caring people I have here among my friends. If we raise our voices together, we will be heard. So let's all SHOUT, and help to protect the innocence of Children.

Thank you, I love you all!!

:heart: :blowkiss: :heart:

<b>
  • Listening to: &quot;Secret World&quot;
  • Reading: All of your comments! ;)
  • Watching: All of YOU!!
  • Playing: Far too much, I am sure!
  • Eating: Whenever I remember to!
  • Drinking: Too much coffee...

Jealousy...

Journal Entry: Mon Mar 1, 2010, 10:02 AM


... has been proven throughout the History of Time, to be one of THE ugliest of Human Attributes.

It tears apart even the deepest of bonds, whether it be between Lovers or Friends. Whether a person demonstrates this Quality by verbalization, or merely by implication, the end result is being the same.

Heartache, betrayal of trust, and a dividing of souls who should in a "fair" World be able to share their lives with one another...

This day, I have been reminded oh so harshly of just how damaging this particular trait is being...

Those who support it to the point of no longer even being able to be my friend do not have my respect. Those who allow themselves to be castrated by another, and feel a need to appease even this most base of Human Emotions, are not deserving of respect.

There is already too much ugliness in this World...

True Love is not Jealous... in fact, they are the opposite of one another.

If someone says they love you, and then proceed to assure you that unless you conform to THEIR rules, and only associate with those of whom they "approve", you are no longer in a loving relationship... you have co-joined into a Dictatorship, and given up your freedoms.

A dear friend of mine once stated it this way: "Is the fucking you're getting worth the fucking you're getting?"... evidently for some, just being able to say that you are "with someone" is reason enough to sell out and give up your freedom to even decide who you can have as a friend...

To me, this is the saddest thing of all. :(

:heart:

<b>
  • Listening to: &quot;Secret World&quot;
  • Reading: All of your comments! ;)
  • Watching: All of YOU!!
  • Playing: Far too much, I am sure!
  • Eating: Whenever I remember to!
  • Drinking: Too much coffee...

I Am...

Journal Entry: Thu Nov 12, 2009, 5:06 PM


Bowing out for awhile, my friends... I love you all... hopefully I'll see you all again soon.

:heart: :blowkiss: :heart:

<b>
  • Listening to: &quot;Secret World&quot;
  • Reading: All of your comments! ;)
  • Watching: All of YOU!!
  • Playing: Far too much, I am sure!
  • Eating: Whenever I remember to!
  • Drinking: Too much coffee...

Sometimes....

Journal Entry: Tue Oct 27, 2009, 3:13 PM


We all receive an incredible reminder of just how incredibly beautiful the Human Spirit is...

Here is one for all of you this day:

:spotlight-left: nymag.com/arts/popmusic/featur… :spotlight-right:

Please take the time to read this heart lifting, beautiful, and amazing story... there are five pages to this Article, and they are each and every one worth the time to read...

Here also is a link to where you can stream Killian's entire Album --> 429records.com/sites/429record… I recommend highly that you listen to "Kiss"...

I can't help but sit here thankful for being introduced to yet one more beautiful soul that graced this Earth with such dignity and love...

:heart: :heart: :heart:

<b>
  • Listening to: &quot;Secret World&quot;
  • Reading: All of your comments! ;)
  • Watching: All of YOU!!
  • Playing: Far too much, I am sure!
  • Eating: Whenever I remember to!
  • Drinking: Too much coffee...

What Sort Of Person *Update...

Journal Entry: Tue Oct 27, 2009, 10:32 AM


*Update:

First of all, I wish to thank all of you for your so kind of words to me, and for also showing your support... I appreciate this more than you can ever know...

I wished to be letting you know that this situation has been handled by the Help Desk, as can now be seen here --> comments.deviantart.com/20/321… & here --> gross-gore.deviantart.com/

LOVE YOU GUYS!!! :heart: :blowkiss: :heart:

*End Update

Would leave a comment like this --> comments.deviantart.com/20/321… on MY Gallery? I do not know... and I do not wish to know...

Only love is welcomed here... this person is no longer welcomed. :heart:

<b>
  • Listening to: &quot;Secret World&quot;
  • Reading: All of your comments! ;)
  • Watching: All of YOU!!
  • Playing: Far too much, I am sure!
  • Eating: Whenever I remember to!
  • Drinking: Too much coffee...

Humor For The Day... ,) *Update

Journal Entry: Tue Oct 6, 2009, 11:53 AM


*Update: Good news all, our wonderful Director of Community Operations :iconfourteenthstar: has seen to it that my Image is once more in the Artistic Nude Section of dA... I suggest that you ALL go to her page and give to her some LOVE!! :nod: :blowkiss:

*End Update

Soooo... someone in Admin. determined to relocate one of my Images to a Category which they felt was more "appropriate"... I am always curious as to their perspectives, but I swear to god this one almost killed me. Dead.

This person decided that my Image entitled "Jenny"

Mature Content

Jenny by Shy-Too-Shy


should be moved from Artistic Nudes to People & Portraits. Go look... I am not kidding.

Funniest shit I've seen so far today... :rofl:

Jesus Christ, whatever will they think of next?!

"Thank you Admin., for correcting my quite obvious mistake!" :D

<b>
  • Listening to: &quot;Secret World&quot;
  • Reading: All of your comments! ;)
  • Watching: All of YOU!!
  • Playing: Far too much, I am sure!
  • Eating: Whenever I remember to!
  • Drinking: Too much coffee...

On Another Note Completely...

Journal Entry: Mon Oct 5, 2009, 11:43 AM



I don't care WHO you are, or WHERE you are at... you MUST watch this Music Video. Seriously... it's one of the most fucking brilliant Video's I have EVER seen...

(Warning: is not work OR child friendly)

FUCKING HELL, you guys... I can't stop fucking laughing here!! Dear lord... AHAHAHAHA!!

:spotlight-left: www.youtube.com/watch?v=-zHVW7… :spotlight-left:

<b>
  • Listening to: &quot;Secret World&quot;
  • Reading: All of your comments! ;)
  • Watching: All of YOU!!
  • Playing: Far too much, I am sure!
  • Eating: Whenever I remember to!
  • Drinking: Too much coffee...

When I Was A Child...

Journal Entry: Thu Sep 24, 2009, 8:06 PM



There was only one adult in my life who truly "believed" in the World which lay right outside of my door. This was my Uncle Joseph.

Uncle Joseph was a Navajo Indian, and he was my best friend. He would visit us periodically from his home in New Mexico. He was a very tall man, with coal black hair and a face weathered and tanned from his life outdoors.

Whenever I knew that he would soon be arriving, I would be in a dither of anticipation for DAYS!

When he and my Auntie would arrive, they would sit around and talk "grown-up" talk with my Parents for what seemed like YEARS!! I would sit VERY patiently (*ahem*) and wait for the words I KNEW he would eventually say...

He would turn to me with his brilliant smile and say "Ok, Little Bird... now show to me your World."... and I would take his hand and show him EVERYTHING! I would ALSO update him on all that had transpired since he had last visited...

He would listen so patiently as I informed him of the latest news on the Troll living under the foot bridge over the stream, and the Magical Kingdom of Fairies and Elves that I had discovered under the old Beaver Dam... he agreed with me that the very large frog living under the stream bank WAS most likely under an evil spell, and he encouraged me to do everything in my power to keep attempting to catch him and give to him that kiss which would transform him into a Man once more...

He would hold my hand and walk with this so lonely and yet happy Child, nodding with wise understanding and love. He would ask VERY pertinent questions, and share with me his OWN thoughts regarding this World that I lived in...

He also taught me which plants to eat, to use for healing, and to avoid. He shared with me his own hard earned wisdom's on Nature and Survival... to read the tracks of the animals that were my dear friends, and to emulate the sounds of the birds and creatures... how to build things from what Nature had provided... how to live WITH Nature.

He helped my heart to ease when I found a small creature that had died, one time. I was devastated, and he held me in his arms and explained that we are all made of little tiny particles all put together in different ways... he told to me that with the kindness of time, that fragile little body would once again be embraced by the arms of Mother Nature, and that it would become one with all things in the Universe again, just as will we all...

My Uncle Joseph could not read. So, each night when it was time for me to go to bed, he would sit in the chair next to me, and listen as I read to him from all of my favorite books... together we traveled to distant lands, we met Knights and Queens, fought AND befriended Dragons, conquered lands, and watched Da Vinci and Michelangelo Paint...

I was also able to visit HIS World a few times, and the memories from those times altered me in ways that I am still discovering.

One time, he took me to White Sands, NM... as soon as I saw it, my senses were stunned. He knew me very well, and so he leaned down and whispered "It looks like sugar, doesn't it Little Bird?" I nodded... he then said "Would you like to taste it and see?" I nodded again, and dipped my finger into the sands... the ensuing look on my face caused him to laugh harder than you can imagine! LOL!

Another time when we were visiting my Uncle Joseph, the day was incredibly hot and miserable. Suddenly there were clouds forming and it began to rain... where I come from you come INSIDE when it rains, but he said to me (quite to my Mothers dismay), "Little Bird, let's go dance in the rain." I like to think that the sight of a tall dark Indian Man and a tiny French Irish princess laughing and dancing together in the warm desert rains, just MAY have given to Mother Nature a smile... I know I am smiling right now, remembering that moment in time...

And finally,the last memory that I will share here is one of my fondest. One night while visiting Uncle Joseph, he bundled me up in a blanket and took me out to the middle of the desert... he sat in the sand holding me in his lap and rocking me while he sang... there in the safety of his arms, with his beautiful voice chanting and the wind blowing through my hair, I saw for the first time in my Life the truly awe inspiring Majesty of the Glorious Heavens above... I was literally surrounded by stars... I do not know how long we sat out there that night, but I DO know this... my Life was altered completely... and I realized that whether on this Earth or in the Heavens above, we are always surrounded by more beauty than we can ever begin to imagine... we just have to open our minds, and see it.

He was the greatest gift I ever received in my childhood.

My Uncle Joseph died three years ago after a very long battle with Liver Cancer.

Even though he is no longer here as a Physical presence, he lives on in my heart. And I know that with the kindness of time, he is now being embraced in the arms of Mother Nature and is once more a part of this beautiful Universe again...

I have never forgotten the love he showed to me, and I will ALWAYS remember that the greatest gift you can give to a child is to believe in the things that at times only they can see...

I have been listening to this song today, in remembrance of my wonderful Uncle Joseph... I hope that it speaks to all of you as it does to me.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=2QSYcu…

:heart: :heart: :heart:

<b>
  • Listening to: &quot;Secret World&quot;
  • Reading: All of your comments! ;)
  • Watching: All of YOU!!
  • Playing: Far too much, I am sure!
  • Eating: Whenever I remember to!
  • Drinking: Too much coffee...

As A Reminder...

Journal Entry: Sat Sep 5, 2009, 11:04 AM



Many of you have been my friends on here for quite a few years now, and each day I make new friends on here, as well...

For those that are more recent of friends, I am posting links to several of my past Journals by way of explaining my Lifestyle, as well as my Art. Those of you that have already read these Journals will hopefully enjoy the read once more...

On The Topic Of Sexual Persuasions & Perceptions

shy-too-shy.deviantart.com/jou…

On The Topic of The World of BDSM

shy-too-shy.deviantart.com/jou…

On The Topic of Polyamory

shy-too-shy.deviantart.com/jou…

On The Topic of Intolerance vs. Acceptance

shy-too-shy.deviantart.com/jou…

And finally, I wish to thank all of you for your wonderful friendship and love... you are all just so incredibly precious!

:heart: :blowkiss: :heart:

<b>
  • Listening to: &quot;Secret World&quot;
  • Reading: All of your comments! ;)
  • Watching: All of YOU!!
  • Playing: Far too much, I am sure!
  • Eating: Whenever I remember to!
  • Drinking: Too much coffee...

Best Friends Forever...

Journal Entry: Fri Jun 26, 2009, 10:19 AM



One day a couple of years ago, one of my best friends EVER ( :iconperrygallagher: ) sent to me a song I had never heard of before... he thought it was so highly applicable to my own Life, and he was right! :nod:

I am sharing with you all a Video I found on YouTube of this song...

Those of you who have known me the longest will understand the implications completely... those of you who are "new on board" will hopefully enjoy the video either way!

So... here is being the link. --> www.youtube.com/watch?v=TBH8o8…

I am wishing for you ALL a wonderful day and weekend ahead!

LOVE YOU GUYS!!

:heart: :blowkiss: :heart:


:camera: CALIBRATING YOUR MONITIOR :camera:

The strip shows a range of greys from pure black to pure white. You should be able to see a clear difference between each shade of grey, ranging from pure black (left) and pure white (right).

Gray Ramp

Along the top of the strips are alternate patches of black and dark grey. If it looks solid black to you (look very carefully), your monitor's brightness setting is too low. Increase it until you can -just- perceive the difference between the grey and the black squares.

Pass this along in your journals, it will help new and old deviants view your work as it should be seen! :blowkiss:

(Thank you so much to the wonderful :iconbillsabub: for providing me this information!!) :heart:
________________________

And finally my so sweet friends... thank you, thank you for all of your so kind comments and also for the :+devwatch: 's and :+favlove: 's!!!! My goodness, I can't keep up!!
You know that I love you all!!! I hope that you are having a wonderful week!!! :blowkiss:

_______________

Proud recipient of

:thumb41961564:
_______________




:kiss: :kiss: :kiss:
  • Listening to: &quot;How Can I Tell You&quot;
  • Reading: All of your comments! ;)
  • Watching: All of YOU!!
  • Playing: Far too much, I am sure!
  • Eating: Whenever I remember to!
  • Drinking: Too much coffee...

Predictably Irrational...

Journal Entry: Sun Jun 7, 2009, 9:37 AM



Usually when I am Promoting someone here on dA, it is a fellow deviant. This time however, I am sharing with all of you an incredible book, written by an even MORE incredible man. His name is Dan Ariely, and while I suppose some of you are already familiar with him and his writings/studies, there may be some of you that are unaware of his work...

Who this man is can be read about here --> en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dan_Arie…

The book that I am recommending to all of you is entitled "Predictably Irrational", and as someone that is endlessly fascinated by (as I mentioned in my previous Journal) what makes us Human Beings "tick", I have found this book to be utterly delightful as well as enlightening...

Here is a 20 min. video clip on YouTube that is a brief and concise example of what the book is about... www.youtube.com/watch?v=JhjUJT…

Basically, as a teenager Dan suffered 3rd Degree burns over 70 of his body. This lead to him subsequently spending MUCH time of relative solitude in Hospital, and it was during this time that he became fascinated with the various responses of people to certain situations that they were faced with.

Once he was recovered enough to once again go out and about in this World, he dedicated his Life to the study of this Topic, and I can assure you that what he has discovered and is STILL discovering is absolutely incredible.

I urge all of you who may be interested to purchase this book for yourselves...

The least expensive price I found was through Amazon Books, but his book can be found in almost any book store, as well...

Anyhoooo... please at least watch the Video Clip. It is highly enjoyable!!

I hope that you are all having a FANTASTIC weekend, AND that your week ahead is wonderful for you!!

LOVE YOU GUYS!!

:heart: :blowkiss: :heart:


:camera: CALIBRATING YOUR MONITIOR :camera:

The strip shows a range of greys from pure black to pure white. You should be able to see a clear difference between each shade of grey, ranging from pure black (left) and pure white (right).

Gray Ramp

Along the top of the strips are alternate patches of black and dark grey. If it looks solid black to you (look very carefully), your monitor's brightness setting is too low. Increase it until you can -just- perceive the difference between the grey and the black squares.

Pass this along in your journals, it will help new and old deviants view your work as it should be seen! :blowkiss:

(Thank you so much to the wonderful :iconbillsabub: for providing me this information!!) :heart:
________________________

And finally my so sweet friends... thank you, thank you for all of your so kind comments and also for the :+devwatch: 's and :+favlove: 's!!!! My goodness, I can't keep up!!
You know that I love you all!!! I hope that you are having a wonderful week!!! :blowkiss:

_______________

Proud recipient of

:thumb41961564:
_______________




:kiss: :kiss: :kiss:
  • Listening to: &quot;How Can I Tell You&quot;
  • Reading: All of your comments! ;)
  • Watching: All of YOU!!
  • Playing: Far too much, I am sure!
  • Eating: Whenever I remember to!
  • Drinking: Too much coffee...

Intolerance vs. Acceptance...

Journal Entry: Thu Jun 4, 2009, 11:18 AM



As most of you know, Michael :iconpelicanh: posted a Journal yesterday regarding the inability of many to freely accept the religious beliefs (or lack thereof) of others... → pelicanh.deviantart.com/journa…

This has given rise to my own contemplation of what makes Humans “tick”, as it were... what ARE the factors that come into play when we are faced with a differing opinion, or Life Choice? Is it possible that we at times feel threatened, and so can become defensive of our OWN perspectives, even when it is unwarranted? I think so.

I believe that we ALL would like to think that our own choices and perceptions are based on tangible and valid reasonings. We all like to believe that we are intelligent and thinking Human Beings (and hopefully we ARE! lol), and so are justified in following the Path(s) we have chosen. I ALSO believe that at times when confronted by someone that  is EQUALLY convinced of a Path that is different, we can quite suddenly feel thrown off kilter.   

Suddenly, all sorts of “what ifs” come into play... what if THEY are right, and I am wrong? What do they know that I do not? Is there something I am missing, and so will suffer for lack of knowing at some point in my Life? What if they try to "convert" me??

For OTHERS, there ARE no “what ifs”... it is OBVIOUS that the other person has it COMPELTELY wrong, and this gives way to (at times) feeling comfortable informing them of such. Or feeling comfortable AVOIDING them, or in some other way denying them AND their right to individuality, in order to substantiate our OWN perspectives.    

I wrote a Journal awhile ago (ok, over a year ago) entitled “Sexual Persuasions and Perceptions”   →  shy-too-shy.deviantart.com/jou… in which I discuss the Topic of Sexuality and the issues that can arise for so many on this apparently highly volatile aspect of Human Life... the response was amazing, to say the least. ;)

Most of you know that I am Pansexual... gender and/or sexual persuasion means nothing to me. I won't elaborate here, as I covered most of it in the Journal I have just provided a link to... however, I WILL state that no matter WHAT the Topic, whether Religious Belief, Sexuality, or any OTHER Life Choice/Path, there are STILL so many that can not even bring themselves to CONSIDER another persons way, if it differs from their own... let alone accept their right to have it.

Case in point... I recently had a friend meet another person that is wonderful in all ways... sweet, charming, accomplished, and “enlightened”. Yay! Another “Kindred Spirit”!! When approached with the prospect of  meeting ME however, there suddenly became an uncomfortable and awkward situation... you see, this person is Straight. And Monogamous...

“Soooo... what's the big deal?” you might ask. I TRULY do not know. But for SOME reason, this person was brought up short at the thought of actually meeting me. I AM highly unedited, as I think we ALL know by now (which I would like to believe adds to my charm :D )... but I seriously love EVERYONE, even if they DON'T prescribe to my OWN Life Choices... I do not have as a “condition” of my friendship that others need to accept my own way of life as their own, and begin to live as I do...

I personally have MANY friends that are Straight. I have MANY friends that are Monogamous. I have MANY friends that are Religious (to one extent or another)... it's all good! As long as we are all happy with our own Choices, what DIFFERENCE does it make? To me, none... to others (obviously), quite a bit.

Does it hurt to find yourself avoided due to personal Life Choices? Yes. Do we then alter who and what we are so as to NOT be avoided? Do we “ pretend” to conform to Societies Social Standards in order to be “accepted”?  NO. Because no matter what you believe, no matter what Path(s) you choose, there ARE those that are not only walking the same way, but are dealing with the same inability of others to accept. There ARE those who WILL accept you as you are, even if their OWN Life choices differ...

It is in the continuation of and DETERMINATION to be WHO we are, that we find freedom. It is in the continuation and DETERMINATION to not only REFUSE to conform, but to ACCEPT those who chose a differing course that WE, one by one, will DEMONSTRATE to this World that there is beauty to be found in individuality...

What is that saying? “Variety is the Spice of Life”?

Well... I say, the spicier the better... let's burn the palates of those who find nonconformity unpalatable... they want a reason to bitch? We'll give it to them... so there! Ha!  

Soooo... who's with me on this one?? :D

:heart: :blowkiss: :heart:


:camera: CALIBRATING YOUR MONITIOR :camera:

The strip shows a range of greys from pure black to pure white. You should be able to see a clear difference between each shade of grey, ranging from pure black (left) and pure white (right).

Gray Ramp

Along the top of the strips are alternate patches of black and dark grey. If it looks solid black to you (look very carefully), your monitor's brightness setting is too low. Increase it until you can -just- perceive the difference between the grey and the black squares.

Pass this along in your journals, it will help new and old deviants view your work as it should be seen! :blowkiss:

(Thank you so much to the wonderful :iconbillsabub: for providing me this information!!) :heart:
________________________

And finally my so sweet friends... thank you, thank you for all of your so kind comments and also for the :+devwatch: 's and :+favlove: 's!!!! My goodness, I can't keep up!!
You know that I love you all!!! I hope that you are having a wonderful week!!! :blowkiss:

_______________

Proud recipient of

:thumb41961564:
_______________




:kiss: :kiss: :kiss:
  • Listening to: &quot;How Can I Tell You&quot;
  • Reading: All of your comments! ;)
  • Watching: All of YOU!!
  • Playing: Far too much, I am sure!
  • Eating: Whenever I remember to!
  • Drinking: Too much coffee...

Hermit Mode...

Journal Entry: Sat Apr 25, 2009, 9:58 AM



I have logged onto dA this day to find many notes and messages of concern regarding my recent lack of interaction on here...

Please do not worry, I will be fine! I am merely in what I like to refer to as "Hermit Mode", and I am taking a bit of a break... :nod:

Please know that I am STILL here, and I am STILL reading your wonderful messages!! I am certain that I will be "back in action" one of these days soon, and until then I hope that this Journal finds you all well and happy!!

I LOVE YOU GUYS!!

:heart: :blowkiss: :heart:


:camera: CALIBRATING YOUR MONITIOR :camera:

The strip shows a range of greys from pure black to pure white. You should be able to see a clear difference between each shade of grey, ranging from pure black (left) and pure white (right).

Gray Ramp

Along the top of the strips are alternate patches of black and dark grey. If it looks solid black to you (look very carefully), your monitor's brightness setting is too low. Increase it until you can -just- perceive the difference between the grey and the black squares.

Pass this along in your journals, it will help new and old deviants view your work as it should be seen! :blowkiss:

(Thank you so much to the wonderful :iconbillsabub: for providing me this information!!) :heart:
________________________

And finally my so sweet friends... thank you, thank you for all of your so kind comments and also for the :+devwatch: 's and :+favlove: 's!!!! My goodness, I can't keep up!!
You know that I love you all!!! I hope that you are having a wonderful week!!! :blowkiss:

_______________

Proud recipient of

:thumb41961564:
_______________




:kiss: :kiss: :kiss:
  • Listening to: &quot;How Can I Tell You&quot;
  • Reading: All of your comments! ;)
  • Watching: All of YOU!!
  • Playing: Far too much, I am sure!
  • Eating: Whenever I remember to!
  • Drinking: Too much coffee...

A Friend In Need...

Journal Entry: Wed Mar 18, 2009, 10:16 PM



As most of you might have noticed, I haven't been on here a lot lately. I have what appears to be approx. 100,000,000 Notes, and so many comments and things, it's actually mind boggling...

I WILL try to catch up over the next couple of days, but in the mean time, I have a HUGE favor to ask of ALL of you.

I have a DEAR friend that I met here on dA a few years ago. There really are no words to describe just how much I love him, and right now he and his lovely wife (Whom he refers to as "The Girl") are in desperate need of YOUR love, support, and encouragement.

Here is a link to his latest Journal, which will explain his current situation --> hfpierson.deviantart.com/journ… . I am unable to write all of the details of his ongoing ordeal over the past few years, as I can not see through these fucking tears... read his Journals. ALL of them, if you are able to. They will help you to get to know this amazing man more than anything I could share here in MY Journal.

Go to his Gallery: :iconhfpierson: and look at his wonderful Images.

Please, I am asking from the bottom of my heart, PLEASE let them know they are not alone. Give them all of the LOVE you can.

I can't write anymore now. All I can do is thank you one and all for doing this for my friend. :heart:


:camera: CALIBRATING YOUR MONITIOR :camera:

The strip shows a range of greys from pure black to pure white. You should be able to see a clear difference between each shade of grey, ranging from pure black (left) and pure white (right).

Gray Ramp

Along the top of the strips are alternate patches of black and dark grey. If it looks solid black to you (look very carefully), your monitor's brightness setting is too low. Increase it until you can -just- perceive the difference between the grey and the black squares.

Pass this along in your journals, it will help new and old deviants view your work as it should be seen! :blowkiss:

(Thank you so much to the wonderful :iconbillsabub: for providing me this information!!) :heart:
________________________

And finally my so sweet friends... thank you, thank you for all of your so kind comments and also for the :+devwatch: 's and :+favlove: 's!!!! My goodness, I can't keep up!!
You know that I love you all!!! I hope that you are having a wonderful week!!! :blowkiss:

_______________

Proud recipient of

:thumb41961564:
_______________




:kiss: :kiss: :kiss:
  • Listening to: &quot;How Can I Tell You&quot;
  • Reading: All of your comments! ;)
  • Watching: All of YOU!!
  • Playing: Far too much, I am sure!
  • Eating: Whenever I remember to!
  • Drinking: Too much coffee...

The Amazing Gift...

Journal Entry: Mon Feb 9, 2009, 9:13 AM

Michael ( Pelicanh ) and I have been presented with a precious Gift, this day...

It is a Gift that is incredible not only in it's exquisite beauty, but of even more significance, for the deep love with which it was created.

There is among us here on dA, a person of such greatness of heart and soul, that she leaves me in awe. I could write so much here, and yet I know it would fail miserably to even TOUCH the reality of how amazing she really is.

So. I will ask all of you to instead meet her for yourselves. Read her Journals, and look at her Artwork. Trust me, you will only walk away the better for it. She IS a blessing to this Earth.

Here is the Painting that she created for us, and please take the time to read her Artist Comments on it. That ALONE will give you insight as to her incredible nature...

Mature Content

PS- I Love You by Stacey73


:heart: :heart: :heart: :heart:


Please give this woman --> :iconstacey73: some LOVE... she is one TRULY deserving of it! :nod: :blowkiss:




:camera: CALIBRATING YOUR MONITIOR :camera:

The strip shows a range of greys from pure black to pure white. You should be able to see a clear difference between each shade of grey, ranging from pure black (left) and pure white (right).

Gray Ramp

Along the top of the strips are alternate patches of black and dark grey. If it looks solid black to you (look very carefully), your monitor's brightness setting is too low. Increase it until you can -just- perceive the difference between the grey and the black squares.

Pass this along in your journals, it will help new and old deviants view your work as it should be seen! :blowkiss:

(Thank you so much to the wonderful :iconbillsabub: for providing me this information!!) :heart:
________________________

And finally my so sweet friends... thank you, thank you for all of your so kind comments and also for the :+devwatch: 's and :+favlove: 's!!!! My goodness, I can't keep up!!
You know that I love you all!!! I hope that you are having a wonderful week!!! :blowkiss:

_______________

Proud recipient of

:thumb41961564:
_______________




:kiss: :kiss: :kiss:
  • Listening to: &quot;How Can I Tell You&quot;
  • Reading: All of your comments! ;)
  • Watching: All of YOU!!
  • Playing: Far too much, I am sure!
  • Eating: Whenever I remember to!
  • Drinking: Too much coffee...