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"Why," you ask? Because we want profile pages to have freedom of customization, but also to have some consistency. This way, when anyone visits a deviant, they know they can always find the art in the top left, and personal info in the top right.
Don't forget, restraints can bring out the creativity in you!
Now go forth and astound us all with your devious profiles!
Yeah, you know the one I'm talking about... THE one! The one that you have fantasized about shooting since the first day you saw her picture on that one guys website you forgot the name of. HER name however, you could NEVER forget... 'cause to make certain that would never happen, you actually had it Tattoo'd on your ass awhile ago, where you "thought" no one would ever see it (whole 'nother story, for a whole 'nother time)...
She's due to arrive any minute now, and you've been so excited about this day, you haven't slept in two... and let's not even talk about that excited little "pee-pee" dance/jig thing you started spontaneously doing at some point about 12 hrs. ago, when the only things awake on Earth were you and that creepy creature in the bushes that wouldn't stop staring at you... quite possibly because you looked something like this → Now you just keep hoping it won't happen while she's here... damnit. ()
So while you are once more going over your set up for the shoot, checking and double checking the lighting , making sure there's toilet paper in the bathroom , practicing your "Ultra Cool Photographer" persona in the mirror , and sending off that mass email to everyone you have ever known and a few people you don't 'cause you just made up some email addresses to throw in for good measure , all you can think about is the fact that finally after all of this time, YOU are going to be shooting Pure Perfection... and just how cool is it, that happens to be her name??!! I'm telling ya, this is going to be.... ()
Right at that moment, and while you were in the middle of yet another jig no less, a car pulls up and some chick you've never seen before gets out and says "Hiiii!!" and then starts getting what appears to be 20,000 lbs. of shit out of her car... WTF?? Who the hell is SHE, and what in the hell is she DOING here??!! You *know* you've never seen her before, 'cause if you had you'd never have forgotten it... hair all up in a messy knotted ponytail thingy, no make-up on whatsoever and in fact what appear to be spots of some sort of greenish paste stuff on her face, and wearing a baggy pair of sweats with an oversized t-shirt and what appears to be mismatched flip-flops.
Then, just as you are thinking how much she looks like that cleaning lady your grandma had once, she stops in front of you and with a blinding smile and says "I hope I'm not late, I couldn't find my other flip-flop".
Well poke me in the eye with a sharp stick, it's HER!!! Dear mother of god, she's HERE!!! And now you're doing that goddamned jig again, only this time it's right in front of her ACH!!!
Thankfully, she's an experienced Model and there's nothing she actually hasn't seen when it comes to us crazy-ass Photographers, so she just sort of leaves you to work out those kinks in your legs, and she flops down on the floor and starts to fix her face... and thank god too, 'cause that green shit didn't do much for her complexion at ALL. Turns out in the end though, that green shit was on there to help tighten up a few of her more noticeable pores and put the fear of dog into a couple of spots that had looked like they were thinking about going rogue... and at least 10,000 lbs. of that stuff she hauled out of her car turns out to be make-up, too.
No need to panic whatsoever, 'cause this chick obviously knows her stuff...
Soon the moment arrives... the moment you have dreamed about for so long and practiced forever and a day for, and fucking hell if she isn't the most beautiful creature that has ever lived in this Earth, after all... finally. *ahem* She's sitting there all glowing and gorgeous, and as you look through that Camera which you know you are going to build a shrine to just as soon as you're done shooting her, you see the most gawd awful and terrifying thing you have ever before seen in your Life. 'Cause what she doesn't know is, the way that she is currently positioned has made it so her boobs appear to be all cattywompus and weird looking, AND on top of that now that part of her face is lit rather more directly, you see what appears to be a single long hair growing right out of her damned cheek!!
O... M... G. What in the fucking hell are you supposed to do NOW??? The hair thing can be Photoshopped, so that's not a big deal, but that boob thing?? That's a WHOLE different story. Do you just shoot those 20,000,000 Images that you had planned on, knowing they are going to be flawed, or do you tell her that you suddenly just remembered that you forgot something, and you're so sorry but you have to reschedule?? WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO???!!
I'll tell you what you are going to do... you're going to fucking HANDLE it, THAT'S what you're going to do!! And now, I will tell you why...
First and foremost, this is a chick who is not only fully aware of how she looks, but is also aware of the fact that no matter how fucking perfect a person is appearing in some Images, no one actually IS perfect. No one... not even her. Period.
Secondly, she is there working as well... it's not just YOU who has been running around like a chicken with it's head chopped off, but she obviously has her own things going on as well, which was illustrated perfectly by how she looked when she pulled up, and the fact that her fucking flip-flops don't even match. Add to THAT, while you're all being busy working behind the camera, she's going to be working in FRONT of it. And let me tell you from experience, that is NOT easy!! So not only do you have to think about the fact that it's going to be YOUR *name* on those Images, and if you want that name to ever elicit more than a laugh when mentioned, you'd better make damned sure these turn out fantastic, but she is *also* anticipating that they will make HER look good, thereby getting her more work, etc... *this... is not... a game*. And even if you don't really need the fame and glory that could be coming your way, chances are pretty strong that girl sitting right there really does need the benefit of beautiful Images from you.
So while you might think you'd be doing everyone a favor by keeping your mouth shut and just taking a hit to the balls so no one get's embarrassed, that is actually the worst thing you could ever do...
Instead, you stand up and say "Hey sweetie? Can I get you to just bring your shoulders around a bit so that they are both facing me at a more direct angle, and then also arch your back a bit and maybe bring your right arm forward just a little?"... and *holy*fucking*hell*... she does it. No questions, no issues... smooth as silk, it's done. And just like that, those gorgeous boobs of hers finally look like a matched set again...
Now what to do about that goddamned hair. It's obvious SHE doesn't know about it... and it *would* kind of be easy to not say anything and just erase it real quick in Photoshop. But you know what? That's not cool, either. Because although it might be funny to see a friend at dinner with toilet paper stuck to their shoe and not say anything so you can get an extra giggle or two out of it, this girl deserves better than that. How would you feel if after she left, you happened to look in the mirror only to see a booger the size of Texas hanging out of your nose, hmmm?? Well, ok then... so here's what you do.
You walk over to her and start adjusting her hair just a bit, making that one adorable curl that you "now" realize is there because of how she wears her hair in that mop looking style on top of her head when she's not working, and then oh so casually say, "Oh, here... one of your hairs is stuck to your cheek.", and you pull that fucker out. She screams "OUCH!!" and you say "OMG!! I had no idea that was attached!! I'm so sorry!! Can I get you anything? Tequila? A bowl of "the good stuff" I've been saving for a special occasion?? Anything??!!"
She wrinkles that cute little brow of hers and says "It was ATTACHED???", and then you see dawning in her eyes such a flood of thankfulness for the one true hero which has just saved her from certain death by embarrassment, you just want to grab her and kiss her... but you don't. Nope... noooo. NO.
Clearly, there are many variables to this story which are going to be a factor as to the actual details of how you'd handle it... maybe you've known her forever, and so you can just state the truth flat out and share a good laugh over it, or maybe she's terribly shy, or YOU are terribly shy... whatever. Thing is though, the bottom line is that you won't be doing ANYONE any favors by not saying anything at all... not you, not her. This is a business, and although it's one of the crazier businesses to be found, it doesn't change the fact that if you want to succeed or you want to help HER to succeed, you've got to suck it up and do it right.
This is the first of a series of three Journals that I will be sharing with all of you, btw... the next two of which are going to be sharing some hard earned wisdoms from both in front of the camera, and behind it. Wisdoms not only of my own, but also those I have gathered over the years from so many other Professional Models and Photographers, and which I hope will give you all a chuckle while also hopefully helping you to avoid some common pitfalls as well as being aware of some things to expect, that you may have never thought about before.
In the meantime however, you *might* just want to go look in a mirror... 'cause Dude, that just ain't right...